Paul Smith

I Want to Stop Being Such a Prick

I don’t mind if you don’t listen to me
I don’t listen to you
just stop talking
when I’m listening to the news
and it’s OK if you fake it
go ahead and pretend you came
I’ll pretend I believe you
but don’t shoplift any more lipstick
from Walmart
I know it was only an hour or so
in jail
but pizza afterwards with the kids
was no fun at all
and they still ask about it
another thing
when you fix me a two sandwich brownbag lunch
make the sandwiches the same
if the first is roast beef
the second with peanut butter
makes my insides curdle
let’s go back to how things were
when we first met
I’ll give you all my bonus points
from our Chase Visa card
and you can repay me with
a couple of milkshakes


Cathay Pacific Limerick

Stewardess Stephanie leaned over me
Serving rice, tofu and tea
My left hand brushed against her skirt
I thought perhaps she’d like to flirt
She looked at me inscrutably
Then turned around and crop-dusted me




Paul Smith writes fiction & poetry, sometimes performs it live (is there any other way?) at the Green Mill in Chicago. He believes in the adage ‘Don’t force it!’ when it comes to writing.